Greetings fellow reader. I've always considered pop music being like junk food. Even though you don't really want that in your body you will still get some occasionally on your own or get it shoved down your throat by someone else. Either way, since I'm terribly out of touch with what's happening in the pop culture at the moment, I will try reviewing what's new and good according to the Billboard chart. Particularly the first 5 songs are those of interest to me. Let's do this, shall we?!
Disclaimer: I did listen to every song to the end no matter how painful it was at times. Luckily none of them lasted longer than 5 minutes. That's probably what most of the women I dated think of me...ba-dum-tss...arghhhh...everything...hurts!
5. Post Malone - Rockstar ft. 21 Savage
Nay. Substitute this garbage with essential fats provided by Action Bronson. Don't be a Rockstar, be The Symbol.
4. Camila Cabello - Havana ft. Young Thug
The official video did make me chuckle a few times. Yet the song itself is a strong nay. Substitute this with Buena Vista Social Club's Candela for some Cuban authenticity.
3. Bruno Mars - Finesse ft. Cardi B
The beginning was actually pretty awesome since it had this late 80's, early 90's mainstream hip hop vibe. Think of Shoop by Salt-N-Peppa popularized by Deadpool movie recently. Later on Mars went full retard by trying to pull off Michael Jackson, which was mildly disturbing yet still bearable. I would say yay, since I dug those Cardi B parts on this song, and, even though some of the Mars's parts were insufferable, it still was a catchy song. Note to self: don't ever listen to the rest of Cardi B's material. I repeat do not listen to the rest of Cardi B's material!
2. Ed Sheeran - Perfect
I think my balls shrunk a bit from even hearing the first verse of this Christmas carol (violently cries in the shower while shaving his legs, vagina and vaxing his upper lip).
A definite nay. Ladies, if you find yourselves wet for boys with guitars, why no start getting into men with guitars.
1. Drake - God's Plan
Autotunage is strong with this one. El terrible kakah des grandes proporciones! NAY! Substitute this with... pretty much anything else.
By the way I did manage to go through the most of the Billboard top 40 and there was this one song which surpassed all of my expectations. Namely Lil Pump's Gucci Gang. Mother of god, it was all toilet sounds!